Tag: shame

111) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 5: What Backlash can teach us about ourselves

Backlash, as we were discussing, is a major impediment to healing.  I believe the technical term is “pain in the ass.”  Backlash causes so much bloody suffering, causes us to perpetuate our own misery, undermine our goals, mess up our relationships, underperform in our careers, neglect our health, and transmit our dysfunctions onto the next…

102) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness: Part 2 – Stigmatization and the disempowerment of the struggling

One of the stumbling blocks that has repeatedly interfered with me getting help more reliably, is the stigma against mental illness, which I have been surprised, and troubled, to discover that I internalized despite many years of being a psychologist.   This stigmatization starts with society, in whatever forms you’ve meaningfully encountered it.   –…

96) Abuse, Trauma, Shame, and Healing

Hello Dear Reader, In an upcoming series of posts, I am going to explore the dynamics of the inner monster that seems to doom so many people to suffer lives of loneliness and limitation — Shame.   As we go through these posts, we’ll explore where Shame comes from, what it feels like, how it…

34) Less than half, and none of the important ones: Part 4

What are the solutions? Obviously, “get help”. But that’s kind of a cop-out. It’s not like therapists have a magic wand, and then, Healioso Instantantum!!, and Poof, you’re all better. Therapy isn’t magic. It’s hard work. A therapist is like a catalyst; they catalyze your own self-healing. But they can’t do it for you. So…

32) Less than half, and none of the important ones: Part 2

Imagine a child who is criticized, constantly. Long-term. Made fun of, humiliated, shamed in front of others. “Why can’t you do anything right?” “Goddammit, you’re useless!” “Shut up….you little shit.” They hear that they are stupid, ugly, pathetic, annoying, too loud, too quiet, too lazy, too….x,y,z…. As a psychologist and teacher, I encounter a lot…

31) Less than half, and none of the important ones: Part 1

Have you ever been on the receiving end of someone’s harshness? Criticism? Gas-lighting? Name-calling? Bullying? Shaming? Humiliating? Lying? Well, “sticks and stones may break your bones but words….” Just stop. Right there. Because “words can never hurt you” is absolute, dangerous, bullshit. Words can break your heart, poison your mind, even destroy your life. They…

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