Tag: goals

34) Less than half, and none of the important ones: Part 4

What are the solutions? Obviously, “get help”. But that’s kind of a cop-out. It’s not like therapists have a magic wand, and then, Healioso Instantantum!!, and Poof, you’re all better. Therapy isn’t magic. It’s hard work. A therapist is like a catalyst; they catalyze your own self-healing. But they can’t do it for you. So…

32) Less than half, and none of the important ones: Part 2

Imagine a child who is criticized, constantly. Long-term. Made fun of, humiliated, shamed in front of others. “Why can’t you do anything right?” “Goddammit, you’re useless!” “Shut up….you little shit.” They hear that they are stupid, ugly, pathetic, annoying, too loud, too quiet, too lazy, too….x,y,z…. As a psychologist and teacher, I encounter a lot…

31) Less than half, and none of the important ones: Part 1

Have you ever been on the receiving end of someone’s harshness? Criticism? Gas-lighting? Name-calling? Bullying? Shaming? Humiliating? Lying? Well, “sticks and stones may break your bones but words….” Just stop. Right there. Because “words can never hurt you” is absolute, dangerous, bullshit. Words can break your heart, poison your mind, even destroy your life. They…

12) Ninja Training, Part 3: My first Habit

To illustrate the process outlined in earlier posts, I am choosing EXERCISE. This is a good one, because I’ve set it before, have partial success usually, but can never make it stick. When I was 17, and spent my summer earnings from McDonald’s on a universal gym that I then built in my mom’s basement,…

11) Ninja Training, part 2: WISE goals

I am presenting to the world, the Dolderman Theory of Intrinsic Motivation.  This is rooted in complex systems thinking, humanistic psychology, and modern integrative social-developmental neuroscience.  But for now, let’s stick with the fun, useful part. My claim:  WISE goals rule, especially for long-term happiness. They wipe the walls with those silly SMART goals we’re…

10) Ninja Training — Habit Change, part 1 (or how to stop “being a loser”)

Important Preamble:  Let’s start off with a common understanding here. I am not some motivational guru.  No way man, not even close.  Here’s the thing –each person in life exists within, and indeed is formed out of, a karmic web of infinite cause and effect relationships, which interact dynamically through vastly complicated feedback loops that…

9) Stop trying to hit me. And hit me!

I love the ‘training montage’ moments in movies. Like martial arts movies, when the hero gets his (or, very rarely, her) butt kicked. Hard. Leaving the hero practically dead, washed up, hopeless, beaten and broken. Then some kind person helps the hero, nursing her back to health. And then, training montage time! That’s when all…

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