I made a mistake in my last post, and it has caused me some consternation. More accurately — I made a mistake in my last post, and it has activated a set of sub-routines in my consciousness-program, or “parts of my self”, that function to erase me from existence. Yikes. What was this oh-so-terrible mistake? …
Category: c) Trauma & healing
118) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 7: Resistance, the sneaky bastard
In this series on healing, we have been discussing the “problem” of resistance, and noting how people’s deeply internalized self-feelings and beliefs can be so strong, so reactive, so “resistive” that they are able to forestall, sabotage or otherwise prevent the person from truly walking the path to healing. In other words, far too often,…
112) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 6: Backlash, resistance, and dissociation
Why am I making such a big deal about Backlash & resistance? It’s because resistance, learning to feel into it, to approach it and eventually learn from it and harness it, IS much of the healing path. If you want to heal, or “grow” as a person, then you are working with resistance. Inevitably. …
111) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 5: What Backlash can teach us about ourselves
Backlash, as we were discussing, is a major impediment to healing. I believe the technical term is “pain in the ass.” Backlash causes so much bloody suffering, causes us to perpetuate our own misery, undermine our goals, mess up our relationships, underperform in our careers, neglect our health, and transmit our dysfunctions onto the next…
110) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 4: Healing, when you hate yourself, think you don’t deserve it, want to die, believe it’s impossible anyway, avoid doing what you most need, and constantly sabotage yourself
When you start to turn towards “healing”, you will very likely experience a backlash. Probably lots of backlashes. You and Mr/Ms Backlash are going to become really great friends, in fact. But first, you’re going to be enemies. Epic enemies. Like, Avengers vs. Thanatos kind of epic. Sparta vs. Xerxes. The Boston Bruins vs. Montreal…
103) From Shitty-ness to Wellness: Part 3 – The Self-Improvement Treadmill and Its Perpetuation of Trauma
I became a Psychologist in order to figure myself out, and my family. I imagine that’s what gets a lot of people’s foot in the psychology-door, initially. You wonder things like, “Why am I (or other people), so screwed up? Why can’t I get myself together? Why do I sabotage my successes? Why do…
102) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness: Part 2 – Stigmatization and the disempowerment of the struggling
One of the stumbling blocks that has repeatedly interfered with me getting help more reliably, is the stigma against mental illness, which I have been surprised, and troubled, to discover that I internalized despite many years of being a psychologist. This stigmatization starts with society, in whatever forms you’ve meaningfully encountered it. –…
101) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness: Part 1 – Some Personal Thoughts on the Journey out of Hell
I have struggled with my mental health, off and on I guess you could say, for my entire life. Well, since I was about 9 anyway, and especially since 15. My life has, for the most part, been an fairly lonely journey. Even surrounded by people, with friends, romantic partners, the whole nine yards, I’ve…
98) The cure for The Dude’s pain, is in The Dude’s pain
Rumi says,”The cure for pain, is in the pain.” See? If it’s a google image, it must be true! But seriously, he’s right. I haven’t lived this way, for much of my life (although I often convinced myself I was). But no, I’ve lived more with the adage, “Pain sucks. Fuck that. Get away…
97) Dear Abuser,
“What is wrong with you? What is wrong with you? Jesus Christ, what the hell is WRONG with you?” Your words echo in my mind like a beaten child’s wails, their residue embedded in my tissues and tear ducts and neural networks like a terrorist sleeper cell living invisibly in the city they are Heaven-bent…