The other day, I was in conversation with someone whose child had gotten mildly sick. Not super-sick, just, you know, normal kid stuff — maybe a mild fever for a night, mild cough for a couple days, runny nose, low energy, sneezing. Mostly it was just a runny nose, sneezing and feeling “blah”. So I…
Category: b) Psychology
90) Gratitude Day 8: Loneliness
I am grateful for loneliness. It also sucks. Being lonely isn’t exactly the kind of thing one yearns for generally. Imagine the kid in grade 2, and the teacher, all gung ho to connect with the kids this year and REALLY give them a good educational, inspirational experience. “So what do you want to…
83) How the fuck can you manage stress when the whole world is going to shit?
Are you having difficulty managing the stress of COVID-19? Staying at home with your kids, your family, unable to leave the house, unable to socialize in person, maybe unable to work, maybe you’ve lost your job, your stress is mounting, the bills are mounting, the feelings of powerlessness and worry are nagging away at you. …
76) Dances with Wolves, Part2: Relationship patterns with Gas-lighters, Narcissists and Spiritual Predators
What happens when you do fall into the orbit of a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing (WSC)? Well, keep in mind, there are many trajectories. No “one size fits all”. But let me try and describe some common patterns. We touched on some of this in Part 1, but it’s worth expanding on the details, and…
75) Dances with Wolves, Part 1: Gas-lighters, Narcissists, and Spiritual Predators
In the previous post, I talked about the Law of Attraction, and argued that it was easily weaponized, often wielded to terrible effects in relationships, and in particular, a weapon-of-choice for certain types of unhealthy, difficult kinds of personalities, the kinds of people who cause a disproportionate amount of the struggles and conflict that happen…
27) Gratitude Day 7: Breaking Your Vows
I am grateful for a Rumi poem. It’s the opening poem to the beautiful book, The Illuminated Rumi. “Come, come, whoever you are! Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn’t matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again , come ,…
26) Gratitude Day 6: Dad
I am grateful for my dad. There are a lifetime of reasons why, but let me share just a few. He taught me a fair amount of what I know about living in this world. These lessons weren’t always easy to learn. But so many of the important ones aren’t. My dad is tough as…
25) Gratitude Day 5: Aging
I’m grateful for aging. Once you become an adult, you spend a few years thinking you’re pretty much still the same as you were before your 19th birthday (yes, 19 where I live…..how can you be an adult if you can’t buy yourself a beer?). Just cooler. Cuz not only can you buy that aforementioned…
23) Gratitude Day 4: Gary Gygax
I’m grateful for Gary Gygax. For creating a system of collaborative story-telling. A vehicle for journeying in your imagination. A world for creating worlds. A spelunking kit for exploring the depths of your own character. A game, for trying on different masks and seeing how they make you feel. A test, for your courage, greed,…
22) Gratitude Day 3: Bugs
I’m grateful for bugs. There is a SOUND that I associate in my memory with the idyllic little farm where I spent the best years of my childhood. And I know it is a real memory, because I went back one day, 25 years after leaving that place, and the very moment I stepped out…
21) Gratitude Day 2: Humour
I’m grateful for humour. It’s a big part of why hanging out with people is rewarding. It bonds us, lets us step back from hardship for a few moments, brings perspective in the midst of despair, and sometimes, at its best, can build bridges across divides. And it’s just….fun! (Of course, it can also further…
20) Gratitude — Day 1
I am grateful for Slider. I’ve had him since I was 3 or 4, and he’s been in my bedroom (or now, usually my kids’ bedroom, cuz he gets to hang out with their stuffies and go on adventures when we’re all asleep or out of the house….of course….). He is the perfect shape for…
14) Free Sex! Free Drugs! Free Gold Bars!!! And a rowboat…
Did you ever sing Row Row Row Your Boat? Hey, I did too! Did you realize that it held the Secret to Life? Neither did I. Carl Jung, Joseph Campbell and others, showed us that our minds are not our own individual ‘things’, but rather, partake of, are shaped by, and continue to be influenced…
12) Ninja Training, Part 3: My first Habit
To illustrate the process outlined in earlier posts, I am choosing EXERCISE. This is a good one, because I’ve set it before, have partial success usually, but can never make it stick. When I was 17, and spent my summer earnings from McDonald’s on a universal gym that I then built in my mom’s basement,…
11) Ninja Training, part 2: WISE goals
I am presenting to the world, the Dolderman Theory of Intrinsic Motivation. This is rooted in complex systems thinking, humanistic psychology, and modern integrative social-developmental neuroscience. But for now, let’s stick with the fun, useful part. My claim: WISE goals rule, especially for long-term happiness. They wipe the walls with those silly SMART goals we’re…
10.1) Important theory stuff if you’re skeptical about Intrinsic Motivation
I want to try to make as clear as I can, and briefly, just why Intrinsic motivation gets so much glory. Especially because it can sound idealistic and unconvincing, even cheesy. So we’ve gotta understand it. The core issue is the SOURCE of your motivations. Where do the motivations come from? Inside or outside? …
10) Ninja Training — Habit Change, part 1 (or how to stop “being a loser”)
Important Preamble: Let’s start off with a common understanding here. I am not some motivational guru. No way man, not even close. Here’s the thing –each person in life exists within, and indeed is formed out of, a karmic web of infinite cause and effect relationships, which interact dynamically through vastly complicated feedback loops that…
9) Stop trying to hit me. And hit me!
I love the ‘training montage’ moments in movies. Like martial arts movies, when the hero gets his (or, very rarely, her) butt kicked. Hard. Leaving the hero practically dead, washed up, hopeless, beaten and broken. Then some kind person helps the hero, nursing her back to health. And then, training montage time! That’s when all…
8) Gobble Gobble
Celebrating Thanksgiving today. It’s an interesting thing to do, to celebrate the bounty that life brings. I’ve always liked the holiday, and the idea of being grateful for things. But I have to admit, although this makes me sound like a terrible person, the truth is, for most of my life, even when I’m trying,…
7) Beauty eh?
Want to learn how to see lightning bolts on a sunny day? No? Seriously? Okay fine…whatever. Your loss! Oh, wait, you said yes? Oh okay, cool. Then I have a little story for you. About lightning bolts. And the Secret of Life. One of my favourite things in the world is to wander around, uh,…