Category: b) Psychology

a) My Personal Fav Posts, b) Psychology, c) Trauma & healing, d) Saving the World: Environmental and other Challenges of this Age of Humanity, e) The Meaning of Life and related thoughts

167) Thanks Mom: Intergenerational Wisdom, Part 2 — Friendship and Community

by claradolderman

I believe that Wisdom is about sharing as the default, trusting as the default, being open as the default, and putting your heart on your sleeve, as the default. Obviously, sometimes you will get burned for this, and in those instances, you need to pull back, have good boundaries, and be willing to value yourself…

a) My Personal Fav Posts, b) Psychology, c) Trauma & healing, e) The Meaning of Life and related thoughts

166) Thanks Mom: Intergenerational Wisdom, Part 1 — Professor Dolderman

by claradolderman

These next two posts are the most difficult pieces of writing I’ve ever made public. Definitely the most personal (which is saying a lot!! lol….). The fact that this was so difficult to write is kind of weird, because these posts are entirely positive. (I mean, there’ll be some negative stuff in here probably,…

b) Psychology, c) Trauma & healing, d) Saving the World: Environmental and other Challenges of this Age of Humanity

164) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 17: “Feeling Seen”

by claradolderman

As with our discussions of both Competence and CONTEXT, the fact that social validation is important to us, is pretty obvious. Of course it feels good to be validated, to be accepted, to feel “Seen”! We’ve known that since we were kids and needed, very deeply, for people to pay attention to us. We all…

b) Psychology

163) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 16: The Final Step to Rational Self-analysis; Sub-section 4 — Eating Better

by claradolderman

It is worth briefly considering another very common struggle that people have — “eating healthy”. I’m going to let that stand in for whatever general health, weight, body-stuff, nutrition, etc., that involves food in some way. Because your specific goal? That’s up to you. But “eating healthy” is pretty generic. COMPETENCE ANALYSIS: In order…

b) Psychology

162) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 16 – The Final Step to Rational Self-analysis; Sub-section 3 — The Life-Altering Sorcery of Combining CONTEXT with Competence

by claradolderman

When thinking about how to effectively use those “Bridges and Barriers” discussed in the last post, one thing that can be especially helpful, is if you can identify KEY ones, really powerful ones. Especially if you can do something about them. Because why burn up all your time and energy on some super-complex behaviour change…

b) Psychology

161) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 16: The Final Step to Rational Self-analysis; Sub-section 2 — The Power of Context

by claradolderman

So what does work then? (NOTE: it’s not Personal Responsibility….lol…..) The thing to emphasize for effective goal pursuit is emphatically NOT “taking personal responsibility.” While not COMPLETELY unimportant (obviously), this whole “make your bed” mantra is only a tiny, tiny piece of the puzzle, and if over-focused on, it becomes basically a huge, shaming, blaming, counterproductive,…

b) Psychology

160) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 16: The Final Step to Rational Self-analysis; Sub-section 1: Give Up Your Willpower

by claradolderman

This Final Step, is actually the most important. It’s where you learn to actually “make it so”. It’s where you push the Action Button. It’s where you take all your goals and values and all that abstract shit, and you make it Real. It’s where the rubber hits the road. Without this Final Step,…

b) Psychology, c) Trauma & healing

140) Wow…weird…. I healed: Part 4 – Backlash (or, as my therapist likes to say, “Shame is a tricky bastard”)

by claradolderman

If you have a history of trauma, addiction, self-harm, shame — you know, fun things like that — then as you experience growth and healing, you will also likely experience the “backlash” that follows, and can slam you right back down to the bottom. It’s awfully demoralizing, especially if you don’t know what’s happening. You…

a) My Personal Fav Posts, b) Psychology, c) Trauma & healing

139) Wow…weird…. I healed: Part 3 – The Spontaneous, Seemingly-Magical Transformation of Motivation

by claradolderman

I do, sincerely and excitedly, want to share my story of healing in detail. It’s going to take some time to fully put it together. In the meantime, for this post, I want to share one of the most – stunning – outcomes of this whole experience. Which, in short, is the “spontaneous transformation of…

b) Psychology, c) Trauma & healing

138) Wow…weird. I healed: Part 2 — The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy of Self-Improvement

by claradolderman

It is important to recognize (as I obliquely alluded to in the previous post, #137), that when you are “working on self-improvement” in whatever way you are, even “failure” isn’t failure. I truly mean that, not as some cliché but as a deeply-felt truth. Because “working on self-improvement”, even when it “fails”, keeps you open,…

b) Psychology, c) Trauma & healing

137) Wow…weird. I healed: Part 1 – The struggle and the miracle

by claradolderman

Hello Friend, and welcome back! If you have been following my “From Shitty-ness to Well-ness” series on healing from trauma, I have to apologize to you! I had intended to post the final part of the “Rational Self-Analysis” section already, like, months ago. But wouldn’t you know, the strangest thing happened. As odd as it…

b) Psychology, c) Trauma & healing

136) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 15: FACT Exercise #2 — Choosing Meaning over Control

by claradolderman

We’ve talked about the self-defeating nature of our Shit Avoidance Strategies, especially over the long term. Not that they’re totally, 100% bad; they can even be life-savers! But long-term, Shit Avoidance doesn’t help us rise to the challenges of life, fix the problems we’re facing, accomplish our meaningful goals, or grow as a person. At…

b) Psychology, c) Trauma & healing

135) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 14: FACT Exercise #1 — Focusing

by claradolderman

I’ll never forget the first time I looked at the moon through a telescope. I was in my early 30s, and after having looked at the moon regularly for three decades, it was like I was seeing it for the first time. The vague spots my eyes could see on their own were now cliffs…

a) My Personal Fav Posts, b) Psychology

134) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 13: Avoiding the Shit

by claradolderman

The key problem with working on our healing, and improving our lives, is that we don’t like to feel shitty. And it does feel shitty to face the shitty-ness of a sub-optimal way of living. Especially if you’ve lived that way for quite a while. Ugh. So, we turn away from that shit. Or more…

a) My Personal Fav Posts, b) Psychology

133) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 12: You are strong enough

by claradolderman

(TW: Description of Torture) Although there’s no denying that life can be hard and people can be saddled with more problems than they can bear, the truth is that most of us are nowhere near to living up to our potential. We know, in some private recess of our consciousness, that if push came to…

b) Psychology

132) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 11: FACT cares about your feelings

by claradolderman

As we talked about in Part 10 (post #124), Rational Self Analysis centers on clarifying for yourself Who You Really Are. What do you love doing? What interests or fascinates you? What are your values? What would you like to be doing in, say, 3 years? There are tons of “Who You Really Are” exercises…

b) Psychology, c) Trauma & healing

124) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 10: Finding out who you really are: Rational self-analysis

by claradolderman

The predominant workhorse of the psychological healing world is a family of therapeutic practices and exercises centered on what I call “rational self-analysis”, or more colloquially, finding out “who you really are”. This journey towards “authenticity” is central to most forms of talk therapy, and what most people likely think of when they think of…

b) Psychology, c) Trauma & healing

121) When you feel you’ve been turned into a newt

by claradolderman

“Waking up this morning, I smile;24 brand new hours lay before me;I vow to live fully each moment,And to look at all beings with eyes of compassion.” — morning gatha; Thich Nhat Hanh * * * * * So, I started this practice about 20 years ago, after reading one of TNH’s books. The…

b) Psychology, g) And Now For Something Completely Different

116) Dealing with the Devil: Adventures in parenting, Part 4 — Role-play, kids, and personal growth

by claradolderman

So, Siskenet had a pretty interesting discussion with a Lord of Evil eh? What fertile ground has been prepared! And seeded! Such rich soil, such abundant energy, for future conversations and questions about topics like power, compassion, maturation, stereotypes of masculinity, personal responsibility, and Lord (of Evil) knows what else! This is one of…

b) Psychology, c) Trauma & healing

93) How to Not Murder People, Stay Addicted, or Commit Suicide: Part 2 – The Representativeness Heuristic is Sus

by claradolderman

The Representativeness Heuristic is at the heart of much of the shitty things we suffer from. Yep, to the extent that you, and those you care about, have struggled with relationship problems, addictions, emotional issues, and other crappy things, this BOOOOOORING sounding nerd-speak Representativeness Heuristic thingy probably has played a key role in that suffering.…

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Category: b) Psychology

167) Thanks Mom: Intergenerational Wisdom, Part 2 — Friendship and Community

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166) Thanks Mom: Intergenerational Wisdom, Part 1 — Professor Dolderman

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163) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 16: The Final Step to Rational Self-analysis; Sub-section 4 — Eating Better

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162) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 16 – The Final Step to Rational Self-analysis; Sub-section 3 — The Life-Altering Sorcery of Combining CONTEXT with Competence

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161) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 16: The Final Step to Rational Self-analysis; Sub-section 2 — The Power of Context

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160) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 16: The Final Step to Rational Self-analysis; Sub-section 1: Give Up Your Willpower

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140) Wow…weird…. I healed: Part 4 – Backlash (or, as my therapist likes to say, “Shame is a tricky bastard”)

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139) Wow…weird…. I healed: Part 3 – The Spontaneous, Seemingly-Magical Transformation of Motivation

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138) Wow…weird. I healed: Part 2 — The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy of Self-Improvement

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137) Wow…weird. I healed: Part 1 – The struggle and the miracle

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136) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 15: FACT Exercise #2 — Choosing Meaning over Control

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135) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 14: FACT Exercise #1 — Focusing

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134) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 13: Avoiding the Shit

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133) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 12: You are strong enough

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132) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 11: FACT cares about your feelings

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124) From Shitty-ness to Well-ness, Part 10: Finding out who you really are: Rational self-analysis

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121) When you feel you’ve been turned into a newt

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116) Dealing with the Devil: Adventures in parenting, Part 4 — Role-play, kids, and personal growth

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93) How to Not Murder People, Stay Addicted, or Commit Suicide: Part 2 – The Representativeness Heuristic is Sus

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